MY BEST 10 DATES

My readers want saucy details and due to me trying to hold to my sanity and my job...and my extended family which possibly they think i am deprived of any kind of decency is extremely difficult to let my hair go...no pun intended..and use a certain kind of details and language that could be consider inappropriate for a lady of my stature (pun more intended)..sooo instead of making fun of me...which possibly other people do...already...I will dear ladies and chicks show you random male profiles from websites i frequent....so you can see HomoNonErectus trying to catch their perfect female for sport..for fun...for marriage...Now mind you I have not met any of them (I swear) but I thought just in case you are thinking on cheating on your boyfriend, husband or significant other..THINK AGAIN...I KNOW that some of these pics...MIGHT BE GRAPHIC...and SOME HORRRIFYING....just remember to have a bit of merlot...before going to bed...YOU BEEN WARNED....for you to see what awaits in this jungle of erectile dysfunction males and commitment phobics.

SUSPECT#1 EGG

Are you sitting down? Get the tissues...the icecream...and a lot of WINE and travel with me....tooooo POFLANDIA....Here we go....SUSPECT #1 (names and handles have been erased to protect the innocent)....Okay Here we go...SUSPECT #1 Once I saw this pic i knew I will forever if I ever met him be the happiest of women in the world...I mean the vacant expression, the longing eyes...the uncombed unmanageable hair....Really???? He is sweating his butt off in this weather...first ...he has hair in the wrong side of the egg...hmmm mean head...i cannot see his eyes...Guys the whole wear the glasses thing...creepy..non-attractive...is not the 80s anymore and Koyak is not cool anymore...NEXT!!!!

SUSPECT #2 BONJOVI

SUSPECT#2...Maybe is the same dude all I know I used to wear my hair like that.WELL it was a wig i bought for 50 bucks because i wanted to look like Farrah ...but..Possibly the dude is cool Again...scary at shit...who will date this dude seriously? However i bet he can play guitar like the dickens...


SUSPECT#3...I guess he is showing us his best part...don't fret ladies is not what you think...again creepy...more creepy...if you are doing that dude you make want to call SUSPECT #1 and SUSPECT#2 and buy some glasses.

SUSPECT#3 DR. STYE

SUSPECT#4 I CAN HOLD MY CAMERA AND YOU CANNOT WHAT I AM DOING WITH MY OTHER HAND...EWWWWW!!!!

  SUSPECT#4 He says on his profile "You better pick Me,"....or what punk??? or what??? He actually seems like a decent guy although not my type..but you could at least talk photography..I bet that is the biggest thing he owns...does size matter?

SUSPECT#5 FABIO..Well I guess I found Fabio from I cannot believe is not butter in Tampa...now he still goes with no shirt on..but he lives in a trailer down by the river...cover up man you don't want to show all the goodies..

SUSPECT #5 FABIOLOUSOS Well leave the Shirt Off and Where is the Butter?

SUSPECT#6 PAT

SUSPECT#6 is my FAVE...because at least this guy you can see it...he is who he is and he does not give a RAT'SSSS butt...who knows it...you got my sympathy my brother...who wouldnt attract a woman of quality with a draft of the cheapest beer...half stoned...out of your mind...and that wonderful charming expression of love that says....i am your prince and I came to rescue you from your life of dispair...OMG....I actually think it will be interesting to meet this guy.GIVE HIM A PEPSI COMMERCIAL...HIS OWN SHOW.......LOL...NOTT!!! NEEESSXXTTT! 

SUSPECT#7 YOGI RAMA

SUSPECT#8  MR. MORTI

SUSPECT#7 Now the ladies have been asking me to provide them with someone that is Flexible..you know...understands their needs..Well LOOK NO FURTHER chickies...suspect #7 is the man of your dreams...you know it ...I know it...now EVERYONE'S knows it...awesomeness. SUSPECT #8 MIGHT need a visa...or work for ISIS...LIKE i really feel bad for this guy..I mean..it looks like he has not sleep for more than 2 months...some of the guys on the site they looked like a dog chewed them up and spit them back up...Maybe Pat could give him a beer and Yogi Rama...could show him some relaxation techniques SO he does not look like he might want to built a car bomb...oh crap I said the B word!!! Tell you the truth chickies these guys are not even the worse out there....oh...more... more ...she says here we go the last two for the night...SUSPECT#9 Forgot the rest of the group..you know the XMAN...Professor Xavier..looks at least like he can manage a party and more..what's up with the Fu-Manchu motif? Wow..Well once you are over 40 hair starts growing in unsuspecting places...

SUSPECT #9 PROFESSOR XAVIER

However no party is complete...and I have to say this one was the best dressed for the party...and I bet the best prospect of all with Jenny Suspect #10. 

SUSPECT#10 JENNY

Now ladies these are not by far the worse out there...i mean...the guys are creative for sure with names like: slytherin...why not...p-nut,...dryhumping..., or heave..whizingkid...(i wouldn't even know what to say to that...), coolusername..,osobear (actually that is good for him since he is one big boy...)..BananaHammer...really?? desperatemeasures...etc...they tried their best...what interesting mix of people...i wonder if they will find their love...i wonder if suspect number one will keep the wig,..suspect number 2 will exchange glances or hair with professor Xavier...while Fabio and Pat work in a Coca Cola Commercial. Well, Dont hold your breath Yogi Rama...Mr. Morti is coming tot he rescue with Jenny to complete the unnameable 10.