It was November and after dating Michigan for less than four dates....I was pretty much done..I went to POF to delete my profile and sign out.completely..look up S.L. profile again which now obviously I couldnt see, pretty sure at that point he was dating someone else and hiding the fact that he was not long ago in a relationship with me. It occurred to me that I hated Facebook and him...men like him. He would say things like: "Baby you are my person," "Baby we are going to get over this together," "Baby, I miss you" Blah, Blah, Blah. Facebook now had given him another excuse to ditch me and for me another reason to feel depressed. FUCK YOU FACEBOOK!!
Ladies, in my opinion and I guess I dont have much of an experience about this kind of messes but if the men that you date talk like that are probably full of bullshit and more importantly they are probably saying that to someone else. If your boyfriend is a mechanic...and your car is falling to pieces...he does not care a bit about you! Trust me I know that for a fact sadly. And by the way DONT BUY KIAS FORTE ...more of that in another post!
I should have listened to my mother when she said that actions speak louder than words. Even my alma mater, Fayeteville State University," has that slogan or motto like that for gods sakes, but me...I kept on dreaming...what we been taught....as little girls...the whole prince thing...the romantic thing...all a myth and now yes I have to confess as a wiccan I wish i didnot have to follow the Rede of non harm. I wanted at that point to humilliate him like he did when he let me in that hotel by myself with a huge bill a so called weekend vacation for both of us..I wanted to punch him.....in the nose, in the throat, and in the ...you know where cucumbers dont see the sunlight!
Michigan and I had a great personal connection but sadly I was not attracted to him in any other way. I think him getting out of my bathroom using soap everywhere in his body...butt naked and not in the shower trying to shower himself with an inch of water...was a horrendous sight. LOL....I am pretty sure that being in love still with S.L. make matters worse. For a couple of weeks I did my routine...finally forgetting about S.L and feeling happy in the last two months. Working at a corporate job selling dreams to undergraduates...for me a way to make a paycheck at this point, but it seemed I was getting better at it. One of my bosses, Julia helped me get on a better team..she knew I was bored. She knew I needed someone and something bigger than myself spiritually. I needed a partner.
You have to understand when you are or have medical background and work in high stressful situations..routine everyday tasks are insufficient for your abilities and sooner or later you feel unfullfilled and empty with no purpose...and without love...yes I like to use that word a lot...whats the point...on pretending on an existence...that is not even surviving.....I wanted to be real...I wanted it to be happy and thrive...however, being a single mother you have to hold in there. The needing of a partner for some of us is not out of desperation or neediness, is because we need someone to share a dream, a talk, a drink,,,a meal. My dream was to restart my business again..but I needed someone in my life, a partner to share the goals,dreams, and aspirations. Trying to do something new I went to a singles meet through Match.Com.
To my surprise, I had a blast! Mostly it was women of my age or older, and three dudes. Sorry Jason, I know you hate that word!!!!All nice people, but only one guy that seemed datable. It was almost December, and after drinking a few wines...in aspirations winery in Clearwater, Florida...my favorite turned out to be blueberry wine, I decided to schedule events every week so I could meet more people and stop thinking about the Mother$$$$@@@@fu#$er that had let me hanging once again. Maybe I was expecting too much of a relationship too soon? He sadly as most males that I have dated in the past couldnt cut it. Yes, I am picky. Yes, I have some standards...we all been desperate once in a while and made poor decisions and lowered our standards..I just did not realize that S.L. was that because sometimes lower standard males come in beautiful packages.
It was definetly my fault..but S.L. as I am finding out now was not for me at all. Once again I have fallen prey of the sex appeal of the alpha male and didnt bother to look further more..not about him but if that relationship will be good for me in the future...part of it of course, due to him feeding me bullshit from the beginning.
Then it happened, I received an email on my inbox from POF....with my matches...should I dare try again? Well that day I had read a book about how cortesans used to in the 1800s provide a bit of detail and description about themselves...you know what things to say to lure men and I found extremely resamblance to the profiles in POF. So I built one...how would I describe myself...yes Mary Jane...oh Watson..looking for Spidey...and then I built a clear...positive..bright profile highligthing only those things that a man with standards will want. Not to lure men but to find a true match of my abilities and aspirations.
Two guys stand out and I call one of them and started to talk..after a few conversations we decided to meet. He said he could fix anything. He said he was a can do attitude kind of guy. He sounded smart. I liked his sincere and straightforward attitude...he said his nickname was FIGJAM.
I wonder FIGJAM can you FIX broken hearts and broken spirits?
TO BE CONTINUED.....
Mystique James...out...Peace....and be safe out there!!!!
