THE TATTOO ARTIST

THE TATTOO ARTIST

I have often wondered not why people get inked but why do they choose the images that will forever be sticked onto their skin. In the background, I hear my daughter Ellie sing accompanied to her guitar about " Love is skin thin," and I know. I know what the singer meant. Being tattooed is not about self destruction or body art, but much about the emotional component behind the tattoo chosen. It is all about hurt and showing your battle scars. The pain behind the niddle possibly a painful and consistent reminder of what not to do the next time you fall in love.

The Huffington Post called it "Social Branding." I guess it all depends on perspective and judgement. When we see an attractive young girl with a tatoo near her rear everyone has an opinion. "She must be easy," "That's a tramp stamp if I ever saw one" and other epiteths similar to those, BUT everyone has a story and I bet if she could talk instead of being judged she would too had an opinion about US.

In my mind, as we go through life; we are all marked; we just dont show it much to the exterior; we conform to these social rules,:the so called social contract. The contract is not for everyone, trying to conform to these rules creates discomfort for the creative type of people.

For some of us, invisible scars that will never go away are branded and need no ink. The few, sometimes the proud, lately the many as we returned from the battlefields. These scars are not inked but permanently instilled in our conscience sometimes an every day battle. Conflict is not our friend, and turmoil and guilt only make it worse. You know of to whom I speak, those of you like myself that hide this illness like Harry Potter hid with his invisibility cloak. Normal or considered normal people dont understand: They ask questions such as what is that? Why do you choose to be unhappy? Or gusty suggestions like "MOVE ON" Why exactly you dissapeared? When and how we cannot make plans? and lastly "I thought you were strong."

Everyone that has ever had a tattoo has definetly a story behind it. Most of the stories I found seemed to be of love found and love loss. Men are the scariest of all. One of my exes had a skeleton the soul reeper tatoo on his sleeve. I asked him why and he said: I got this after she left because I wanted to die. Men love deeply once they find a partner, but somehow women we tend to think that we actually have the reign over heartache, WE DONT. However, as a single chick..well I guess not so single anymore Hopefuly for the long run, both of us with our scars inked deeply in our hearts, my dates as a single chick turned more into relationship couseling sessions than first date acquaintances.

These first dates, these men that tried so desperately to move on and out of their past life and relationships into courting me and that during dinner, snack or ice cream and in less than five minutes later they tried to make you think that they are really into you and want a long term relationship or dating you, but that for the last forty-five minutes previously were talking about their ex as a scar that still has not healed. "I swear I cannot get rid of her," "Well, yes it has only been two months that we separated""No, I will never will get back to her after what she did," but you see in their eyes they would if she called. 

The truth is as I found myself in the same familiar situation seven years ago so here is what Mystique thinks : "Your ex will not care, yes they did that to you, No they will not call back they are already Fucking someone new, No they are not better than you, possibly worse, and Yes they dont care about you or what you going through and No I am not the only one that understands, there is many of us, but each one of us suffers differently. Fireworks, children screaming, arguments, confrontation and conflict situations with coworkers, making long term plans, or simply trying to get close to people seemed to threw us of balance and create anxiety and panic....in the best of times we run and at the worse of times we confront and fight back.

As I sat in the Army's private hospital room before group therapy looking at the window seating in that chair for three months day after day, one can do a lot of thinking. No cell phones, no email, no mail, no phone calls from the supposed loves one and no distractions. Playing basketball and spend time with the other soldiers was my refuge to what he did to me. My nurse, ironically a male, was super protective of me. Sgt. How about if we go downstairs today? No thanks. No thanks became a mantra to the one I would have used : "GET THE FUCK OUT NOW"  "I HATE MEN AND I HATE YOU" The one I really wanted to use, but couldnt expressed it right. I was mad at the world, mad with humanity, mad about being mad. When my fiancee Jimmy used to call on the phone and I will just succumb to rage and tears Nurse D. will come and help me by saying : Who the fuck is this turd? And that made my day. Yes he was  turd, a big turd.

After a few years it seems to get better for some of us, but life not going our way it only takes a split second and a bad week to waste seven years of effort to keep the cool checked. Johny Depp said, " My body is my journal and my tattoos are my story." Tattoos can visually reveal more about you or distract people from getting to know the real you. Some people do hide behind their tattoos. Research on tattoos reveals a couple of interesting things. For example, did you know that adults with tatttoos have been shown to be more sexually active than those without and that they also engage in higher riks behaviors? Now add that to a hidden disability.


Imagine if you wanted to have all your memories of your heart erased would you? To keep away pain who wouldnt? I have always thought that without pain and suffering there is no spiritual growth, but maybe that just comes from my European ancestry; a traditional culture of the dark, sinister, the tango, and the dramatic. Lately, I feel I am but an observant, a tattoo artist, strolling at midnight. Nature seems to calm me down, I go to work and every time I observe I am outside the frame looking at them how they move...movement is different..at work cyclical my input does not really matter; just matters for my son's future to put food in the table for the next month. My daughter now is my only hope the one that keeps me going she is my inspiration and I hope she never gets to see the dark side of the Moon.

The one I care about now, he makes me wait; he is in the other site where I was seven years ago, sadly where I find myself lately since I have been pinning for him. Facebook quote: If you feel alone in a relationship is because you are alone. While I am observing time for him to make up his mind about us, about life..about time..itself..about his scar..mines are hidden and not healed yet, ..but here I am being supportive...and I dont mind I know what it takes...I am just afraid...for me...will I have what it takes?

LOVE IS THE GREATER EQUALIZER. 

This will take time I tell myself, I know it will but isnt he worth it? Sadly, no one knows the end of the story ONLY that I want to continute fighting with him against this monster that has taken part of his soul; All I know is that his tatoo, the one that covers his chest, a heart erased, is already making his imprint on me and without him I cannot breathe.

THE GIRL WITH THE SPINE TATTOO

THE GIRL WITH THE SPINE TATTOO

Did you know that the average woman sees between two-hundred and four-hundred images a day through media showing how you should feel and looked like a model or supermodel. Our culture feeds on our insecurities: too fat? too thin? too flabby? Too short?

Out of billions of people in the world...only one hundred in the world are supermodels which makes them genetic walking freak shows. Marilyn Monroe has been without doubt the hottest and sexiest female icon of all times, and she was a size twelve. So how come now everyone has to look and be a size ZERO nowadays? Shouldnt you and I be able to be happy being ourselves without having to conform to these stereotypes?

As part of my thesis PhD in Public Health through Walden University which deals mainly with pornography and the married couple I decided to go into dating websites to find out what works and what does not work when you are trying to attract a male. On most dating sites when building a profile man or woman have to fill out information about their preferences for example, dating, short-term, friends, long-term, marriage (normally those are fake profiles).

Men are visual, we already know that, it is in their nature...and ladies if you have tried to change your boyfriend's habit of not looking when a girl passes him by I want you to know that will be enduring a loosing battle against instict. Men cannot help but look..they are always searching for the best next thing ...and now temptation is everywhere from the living room to the cell phone with one click...tindr, snapchat, facebook, wildbuddies, etc..you are not competing anymore with the girl next door..in the flesh now.you are competing against men's fantasies...the women that they cannot have...the one that looks more alluring on a snapchat.pic. and that randomly sends them parts of their hmm ...female anatomy...let me throw up a little there..opps.

Men in general (there are some decent ones out there and you know who you are) are not interested in a woman that is insecure...or that is asking him every day about defining their relationship...or questions them when they want to go out with their buddies...men dont need another mommy...! THIS IS A HUGE TURN OFF! SO STOP DOING THAT! BE A CUAO!

Questioning and Comparing...they hate that! If you are nagging him every day about why you didnt pick up this time the kids on time..or clean the dishes ....or forgot that was her birthday..yes you are competing against the girl with the spine tattoo.

Men are less empathetic than women, perhaps in part because they have less sensitive mirror neurons than women do. But men's mirror neurons aren't completely lacking, as evidenced by brain scans that have been done while men watch pornography. In 2008, French researchers had men watch adult films while they were undergoing an fMRI brain scan. The researchers found that the part of the brain that displays mirror neuron activity lit up before the subjects got erections, which may indicate the great power porn has on the human brain -- it persuades mirror neurons to think that sex is actually occurring, which stimulates a physical response [sources: Motluk, Lehrer].

Mirror neurons aren't the only part of the brain that is involved when a man watches pornography. Actresses in adult films tend to be, shall we say, curvaceous. Researchers have found that the sight of a woman with an hourglass shape, be it in the movies or in the local bar, activates the same reward centers in the brain that are associated with drugs and alcohol [source: Choi]. Seeing photographs of the same woman, minus the distinct waist-to-hip ratio, didn't activate those reward centers. From an evolutionary standpoint, men may still subconsciously associate shapely hips with fertility, thus finding women with hourglass shapes preferable for mating. So if your boyfriend won't stop checking out that Beyoncé lookalike, bear in mind that never looking at another woman would be like an addict going without his fix.

But if he looks, does that mean he'll stray? Not necessarily.

I decided to conduct a little experiment in the last two weeks in which unsuspected male profile holders from several websites (pof, okcupid, zooks) saw the image above as part of a made up profile. My name was Chloe I even had a facebook fake profile in which in less than two hours i obtained more than 250 male and female friends that accepted my request even though they had never met me in the flesh. Scary huh? 

I was supposedly a lingerie model and actress that studied at a great local University (beauty and brains) and I was from Texas. Now on the first pic  that I posted on the profile was the one below with my face...This pic is from a month ago.Look Below. Okay, anyone could say that my pic does not look like it could go with  the body of a lingerie model right...? I thought so too, but the results were amazing.

Second, I included a picture of someone elses' full body from behind (man supposed to be attracted to the hourglass figure) shape of a woman's body mostly by genetics. I told them that was from a year ago and that I had it professionally done. My chats went up through the roof from 67% in which males wanted a long term relationship to almost a whooping 97%. Wow! Sex does sell! I actually could remember when my butt looked like that...good times!!! ANYHOW...MOVING ON!!

Okay anyone with some brains can tell right away...that the second pic above might be fake but something happened in the male brain...they put the two pics together..now I was not so much a 44-year old that wanted a long term relationship..but...their fantasize the the whole body image.

All of the sudden, the texts were different in content..At first, their interest was then focused mainly on them...by that I mean...them finding information about me which will be similar to the questions:

Where are you from? How many kids do you have? How long you been on the site? What is your profession? Now most women when they are asked these questions might think something of the sort like: What a nice guy..he really wants to establish contact with me and learn about me. Nothing farther from the truth chickies, in my opinion and I am being a bit cynic here..they go through the same repertoire a thousand times with other females because it seems is the norm in a dating site...and then they stop texting or make an excuse...which meants they move into another profile for another day or two until someone of their STANDARDS catches their eye...by these standards I mean...many different things...Now ,then it was my time to try phase 2: HOW TO REEL THEM IN!

After seeing the hourglass figure their questions went something like this: So do  you own a bikini? What are you doing tonight? The nicest ones said: Wow, you are beautiful but what a body do you work out much? and other more adult conversation themes....

Now I did discovered that most men prefer women with long hair versus short hair (even though they will not say that to you) and that after being for a while in a dating site jumping from woman to woman they knew that some pics were fake or from long time ago..so they always wanted a full body pic..so i decided to turn on the heat..part of the experiment...and sent them this: THE GIRL IN THE SPINE TATOO. Now you are thinking this looks fake...I would say that too..who is going to believe this..really? Well...good news for me...most of them did and then something happened...the ones that stopped texting they started again...and yes I used a fake number!

Not only they were freely giving me information but pics started to appear...some nice ...some horrifically graphic and disturbing....the less that I texted back..the more pics they sent..as a matter of fact I didnt even have to have a conversation after sending the last pic...which meant that most men only look at the pics on the profiles and not their content...THE LESS THAT YOU NEED THEM THE MORE THEY THINK THAT YOU ARE A HOT ITEM!!

Men are visual and that is that..Well, point one proven. My main point here was that your perception of your couple is in your psyque first and then in your heart..sometimes your heart will affect your head, but that certainly for men is all about genetics..men love long and silky hair (shiny) in women because it tends to show FERTILITY. Okay, so you are thinking that these guys on the site only want one thing...I found out...obviously there are women and men that want only that..and go to those sites to find a one night stand. How to get a winner here for a long term relationship? If a man is interested in a real relationship with you...after seeing your face selfie, or full dressed body pic..and continues to talk with you he is possibly a keeper. A man that is asking about naked pics...not worth it...okay Sherlock you probably know that one.

In my opinion, the image of women in general has gone from saint and mother to hoe in ten seconds flat. The commercialization and explotation of the female body affects everyone. We as women let it happen and we fell prey to it..My boyfriend likes DD's i will certainly go to the surgical center and get me those..so he will never leave me!!! My husband was looking at a girl that was a size 5 i will kill and starved myself until I get to that size after having 3 kids....and themes like that...isnt that sad?
We all do it and we all think that at one point or another. However I had beautiful sexy women tell me that after they did all that their husbands or boyfriends left them anyways.

Once in a while you find that man that is tired of playing games and appreciates your beauty for who you are, not the man that shows you pics of a 24 year old friend from California-look she is a fitness instructor-he says, and she is 24. Inside of my head: -fuck you ashole!!! Guess what lets see that 24 year old working 5 jobs and pushing a 10 pound baby through her vagege..while cooking for 7 kids..and doing your laundry!!! Scream girls!!! I really want to punch someone right now..makes me so mad...YOU KNOW WHAT IDIOT I WAS THAT FITNESS INTRUCTOR 10 YEARS AGO!!! KARMA IS A BITCH and it is coming for her too!!! -evil laugh inserted here....and scene!!!

Calm down Mystique..calm down...yes no one out there can  make you feel undesirable or unwanted if you dont let them...we all have heard that...but hell they sure do try...now chickies I hope you catch the man of your dreams and I hope that he appreciates you for both your inner and outer beauty...this chickie still trying..to find A GOOD EEGGGG....feeling lonely...but beautiful inside and out!!!

LOVE MYSTIQUE!!

THE ITALIAN JOB

THE ITALIAN JOB

• When I was thirteen I remember hating to be a woman, there were so many limitations it seemed. My brother David and Michael got to get  out late at night partying, were never question about their nocturnal activies and pretty much they had no curfew: the double standard. Yours truly on the other hand had to explain my movement through a library or a department store: "Yes, Ma, I am on the second floor now...yesshhh."
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• I started working around that age of thirteen as a waitress my father had left and my mother and I needed income coming into the household...Yes I am 16 I would lie...yes...of course I worked in a restaurant before!
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• All a lie, but the restaurant or pub owners woudl believe me after all how someone so sweet could lie. Lying got me a job as a waitress and pretty much manager of a pub next to the local University. I worked for a pub called Noveccento for almost three years. My shift started at eleven o'clock at night and it ended at six a.m. 

• My job consisted of a mixture of half bartender...half manager...mostly psychotherapist for all the frequent customers. In the morning the University students mostly medical students (I was so jealous) they will tell me all about the new classes...the books..how they study all these subjects that I thought for lack of income will never be able to study. I had a few friends but once they found out my age..13 versus 21..well they treated me differently.
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• At night it was a completely different story. Lesbians, Gays, bar owners, hairdresses, adult entertainers, and other night owls will come to the pub..enjoy a beer or a whiskey,...their own cocaine..NO I NEVER TRIED ANY!!! and leave a huge tips (my best customers) and other lets say more serious escapades on the pub's bathroom which I refused to clean since it was not sanitary or safe. Yes at 13 I learned a lot about human relationships, sex, bargaining, and how when you got a vice there is always the pay off, I learned everything and saw pretty much everything that human beings could do to each other; all except love. 

Love for me was to offer a cup of coffee to one of our clients he was 15 and homeless, every morning I will prepare breakfast for him before my boss showed up. Love for me was when Starky the filthy dog down the street will come up and sit in our door hours and hours waiting for his owner who passed away last year.

I have always felt animals care and love more deeply than humans; there is no malice and bad intent in their actions only love. No, I was not stupid I was kind. Sometimes there are people such as myself that are the polyannas of the world. We know violence and ugliness in the human soul, but we choose not to acknowlege it. Most of our peers and family think...she is so naive...she is falling again...she never learns...how can she not see it? And finally the last meltdown..SHE IS WEAK! Yes they think and they dont say...but i see it and feel it..Did you know that if you think something bad or demeaning about someone else...you are actually projecting it into existence? People think is only words..but 87% of our language is body language. 

I SEE IT. I FEEL IT. I LIVE IT. AND I CHOOSE TO IGNORE IT. In my mind, if we give reality to thoughs they become actions...actions become expectations and habits...and therefore...a twisted perspective: our reality. So you see, if you see me falling in love again with someone that I just met a month ago..is not because I did not see the bad parts...is because I saw the bad parts...but I loved what was good in him and recognize him as a beautiful soul. Everyone has something good..everyone has a piece of heaven in them because everyone is a temple made with different pieces. The beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder isnt that an American saying?

The word "Namaste" is a beautiful word, because translated it equivales to "I see you; I see the good in you" Being an empath is not easy, no I am not crazy..not I am a psyquic or a medium...no... I cannot spell psyquic! But I do get flashbacks of things from time to time...in a class full a students is the worse..I can see for some of them how their future careers will be just a bit...just by behaviors...class after class for 18 years...there is always a repeated pattern.

 The class clown..that suffers from self esteem..the pretty girl that everyone tries to emulate..but tries so hard every day to be noticed because she thinks she might dissapear...the football hero..nothing bothers this guy except the pressure of his dad, his peers to be the best all the time. The nerds...my favorites...always trying to appear dumber so they can fit in...the solo kid sitting on the front...that listens word for word and silently goes home and takes care of his dad that got shot at Publix and cannot take care of himself. The genius that appears to be the trouble maker because he is so bored sitting on the back possibly two grades below his IQ he hates me and my class.....you see everyone suffers in silence..but silence is not silent..vibrations are everywhere..so when I meet a person...and they look me straight in the eye...I always think...what are you trying so hard to hide?

Meeting and Dating men tends to go the same..so much hurt and regret some of them stuck on the past or in the future..not enjoying the present. I have been guilty of that myself. I love him and I do love him just becasue a person dissapears the love does not go easy not like that. I know what I felt; it was real; so he dissapeared but my love for him did not. 

NAMASTE S.L. NAMASTE.

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