BYE, BYE, BYE

BYE, BYE, BYE

This is for my girlies and sisters that lost somebody. Mariah Carey you always know what to say. Creation shows me what to do the music tells me what to feel and I see my present myself standing in front of my past present judging standing in front of each other like a mirror saying goodbye. "Goodbye" says my present self, "break the mirror make a blank slate! Move on!" 

My past self turns around and looks sad...maybe that was my ego leaving. I can see she tries to turn back like a hurt child trying to get a hold of my heart again, pouting, and it works I feel sorry for herself and for him, again...No way...not again....my ego does not feel bad not for me. "I found someone new. With this someone I dont have to walk on eggshells all the time and he is honored to spend time with me and I with him."

 I am tired of looking through a dirty windown and keep myself in check when I let HIM  set the pace? Just because I was not thinking straight...or maybe thinking in him I am a giver after all, but just like Ellie Goulding say...love me like you do....what were you waiting for? Say goodnight....and then I will know if this is right and this is real..who owns my heart now? The answer is me.

New beginnings are scary my faith is shaken I got keep my head held high. When you meet a new person that finally sees you for who you are..you finally feel like a human being again. Maybe it was not me.right? Dont they say that on break ups. "Baby is not you is me?"  Well this time I know it was not me, he avoid it me...ditch me...make me feel ashamed of being me...when all I did is to be there for him...you know the feeling and most importantly he made me feel worthless not like a lady...now I am drawing the FUcking line!!!! Am I MAD???? Hell Yeah! Hell to the Yes!!! O.K. Yes it was all my fault I allowed to happen...but dont you suppose to trust your couple that when they have your heart they will treat it right? Isnt that part of the TRUST?

No more come back baby please.... No more can we see each other this weekend again? Fuck NO, Now get in line!!!! It is time that you learn your place like you want me to learn mine right? Remember when you said that I needed to say what was that?...Submissive...helll NO! Stupid???? Pretend that I didnt see you text that 24 year old in Texas?.....Pretend that I knew you didnt live with a woman but with a buddy?...Pretend that you didnt move on...and were not exclusive...boy you must think that I AM A MORON!!! I pretended...pretended because I tried to give us a chance..because in all those nights we were together...I did feel your love...so bye, bye, I hope you reach a better place because I am moving on. The red dragon is coming back....I know now that you dont give a rat's butt, but I needed closure.

I wonder who will take your place it seems that you sir are irreplaceable NOTTTT!....there are plenty of guys turning their eyes on now...better men. I know that a lot of my most relationship experience buddies will say that you cannot find yourself on another person that you need to find yourself first is not about how other person makes you feel. I get that. I really do...but most people that say that have a couple am I right? Sorry if I sound sarcastic and upset...really I am not, but i am so tired of being single and hear the little comments and looks that I know better since I have a man. Pleasseeee! Let's dont forget once upon a time I was married for 19 years...that's right Mystique James...married...the horror. I just have a question....why are woman like cows....why God didnt make us unfeeling bitches...I prayed for that so many times...Well I am fighting back!!! 

LOVE CHICKIES GOODNIGHT FROM TAMPA, FLORIDA.

A girl in her dreams meet a guy
who makes her happy n fly high
as dream is over, he says good-bye
girl asked him why
“why can’t you be my
mine forever till I die”
guy answered and gave a reply
“I am just a dream so don’t cry
get back to reality and open ur eyes”

Read more: http://shayari4lovers.com/1193/khwab-shayari-dreams/#ixzz3oPTAKgKA

OLD BAR STOOLS AND DIAMOND RINGS

Today driving finally in my Kia Forte towards home, a beautiful night out singing aloud in the car and then McGraw sang this song, damn country music and I started to think about him again. How he never will know that how much he meant to me or how I miss him...at this point I dont care if I make a fool of myself in front of all my followers....700 and counting to this date. Thanks guys for following my ramblings! Love stinks.

There was something about him that was different. One of my female friends said that is just lust and that the feeling will go with time. Yes we did have incredible chemistry steamy crazy, I know it was not lust at least not for me.....of course it seems my radar is broken...I did imagine a life with him...that never happens to me. I liked the way he looked super sexy on his bike and always arrived in time, prepared, clean, shaved and his blue eyes just stared at me and then I will complete forget what happened for the last two or three hours when we were together, what a great feeling! Distance made it impossible, but somehow I always felt there was something unspoken, something hidden....and every time I asked I pushed him further away...and made me seemed needy..when i am not.

When we slept he will hold me in his arms all night even though I know his arm will hurt like the dickens and sometimes I will catch him looking up me, for a second...and he smile and we didnt have to talk  to communicate. I couldnt figure it out what was wrong....bad communication sucks...people have deceived me so much that is hard for him and for me to trust anyone and how can you move on and have a healthy relationship if there is no trust. All I know that I fought but sometimes you have to move on before you go crazy and start becoming a person that you are not just to make someone happy.

Lying in bed next to him and zatar his beautiful anatolian dog ;for a minute or two I could imagine us having more....he even smiled when the dog...approached me...but his words turned prophetic...all of the sudden I remember something he told me on our first meeting....if someone does not love you, he or she will not make time for you...I just never though S.L. that this will be you doing that to me. My female friends possibly think that I am pathetic and beyond help and counseling. I guess I should be embarrassed, but I am an open book so if you want to read here it is: I miss him like crazy...and I am mad...mad to the world...mad with him for being so hard headed...mad to me for going needy...mad for not knowing what to say, when to say it..and how to appropiately say it.

So anyways S.L. this one below is for you. I just really think that if you and I were a country song, we will have sound more like Faith Hill and Tim McGraw "I need you" but I guess I was not the queen but the fool. Yes, self pity is not attractive, but you know what that is all I have right now so I think I will keep it for a little while more....every day I will get up, go to work...change a life or two...kiss my kids goodnight..and then  when it is time to lie down...I will do it alone...right now I dont feel like kissing someone else....why to pretend....and hurt someone like you hurt me? Good Night Baby. Good night Zatar. Sweet Dreams. I will be listening to Nelly singing OVER AND OVER AGAIN....Is all in my head, It hurts so bad...I think about it over and over again...I cannot take it and I cannot shake it....(Nelly and Tim McGraw).

TIM MCGRAW

Diamond rings and old barstools

One's for queens and one's for fools

One's the future and one's the past

One's forever and one won't last

It ain't like midnight and cigarette smoke

It ain't like watered down whiskey and coke

I guess some things just don't mix like you hoped

Like me and you

And diamond rings and old barstools

The wrongs and rights, the highs and lows

The "I love you's," the "I told you so's"

Past few miles to wherever's home

Another morning waking up alone