15 MILES IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION

15 MILES IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION

A life of a person is composed of moments and memories and I wonder if when I am not longer here some stranger will read my blog 50 years from now and find it amusing, silly, or completely stupid. When I started this blog about a year and a half ago my main aim was to inspire women everywhere to vent about their relationships, their stupid boyfriends that had either broken their hearts or simply were pieces of shit like mine was.

But now I see that my awful writing is more of a journal, kind of a survival experience and that this is hell much cheaper than psychotherapy. Every other week, I tell myself I WILL NOT succumb any more to this pointless dating strangers...learning their habits and tells...yes each one of them have one or more than one as I guess I have mine, but every week or every other week I talk with these strangers.

Sometimes a few line of texting..nothing much...it gets nowhere...as I am becoming much better on my screening and elimination process. I mean...dont have a job...? dont have a car?? what you dont have a license?...DUI? Felony? automatic NO..NOS. BUT then  you also meet and talk with people on the phone that are nice...decent guys out there...but when you meet them...well lets say that EPIC failure. In the last three weeks I have had five or six dates...only repeated with one guy which seems might have some future..but now all of them I compared to him. I even stopped dating for a couple weeks as it seemed unfair to me to have dates with people that I could never find anything good as I was still in love with him. How odd!

And then, I remember the things he said like: I am just coming over because you live fifteen miles the right way...how lucky for me to live fifteen miles the right way. I wonder if he knew how much it meant to me the last time I saw him.. He said I looked great, that I was gorgeous...and beautiful...never to be seen again. I dont try to contact him anymore since I have to learn to live without him.

The life of a single mother is odd, isnt it? I mean once you stop worrying and looking all of the sudden men start appearing and coming out of the woodwork...is crazy...and then you dont feel like being loving...why should you try again? My friend Matt told me today that sometimes you dont feel the butterflies right away...I was talking about someone I been dating for the last two weeks.

How is possible? With S.L.there were there the first twenty minutes and I am not talking about passion or lust...I am talking about chemistry; a twin feeling of sympathy...the ability to feel comfortable with each other right away.

Have you guys fell in love without the butterflies? Do relationships like that have any future? I am starting to think that I might not be able to love anyone except my children. I guess my next post, I promised will not be so dark..but it is late and no one reads this anymore. I am in my apartment alone tonight my date will not be joining me tonight, but I think we do like each other enough to miss eatch other. He is 6'3, red hair, awesome physique, a gentleman, and when he mentioned if he should bring one of his bikes to pick me up...I thought not...better the track as bikes...remind me of S.L. There are two types of men in this world and you ladies are the ones that bring one or the other out. 

I had an awful date this past Friday...it lasted 35 minutes...we met in Clearwater in Bahama Breeze and I have been talking to him for 3 weeks...nice guy...but when I met him and after giving him a hug ...I told him: I am so sorry..never done this before...but I need to go...he was like...wahttt??? You need to go now?...Me: Yeap...and then I RUN...I RUN like Julia Roberts in the run away bride. I RUN as fast as my 3 inch heel black velvet boots will carry me...it was so beautiful....outside next to the beach...the atmosphere...the couples...I looked at the stars and I wish I would have my telescope with me...I closed my eyes...letting the breeze moved my sundress......I dont want to settle...I cannot do guys with low IQ..I am sorry...I cannot do rainmen...I cannot do close talkers...I cannot do....wife cheaters....BDSM weirdos...I cannot do...control freaks....and I can not do men that tell me that the only reason to see me..is because I am 15 miles in the right direction.

HUH...15 MILES THE RIGHT WAY I got into my silver KIA FORTE and drove like the wind....away from there....was I inheriting the same traits than my counterpart S.L? Is this what he felt that day he dissapeared when he was with me....I felt guilt....I felt stupid....He said I couldnt understand what I was feeling...on my way home I got to be honest I cried...I needed to let it go...I needed to let go of all the few, very few memories of him and learn to love someone else.

I called my new beau...Hi, is me. Him: What are you doing? You dont sound good. I thought he sounded worried for me only two dates and he cares but once again his background he was an EMT and firefighter...a healer like me..Me: I am fine...I am home....I went on a date..like I told  you..but it was horrible...I felt terrible...I run...but I couldnt stand it...it was like making my body doing something it didnt want to do. Him: How about a rescue date...He came.for me..it was a rescue mission...15 MILES in the right direction......it will continue.