Followers

Thursday, September 10, 2015

THE ITALIAN JOB



THE ITALIAN JOB


  • When I was thirteen I remember hating to be a woman, there were so many limitations it seemed. My brother David and Michael got to get  out late at night partying, were never question about their nocturnal activies and pretty much they had no curfew: the double standard. Yours truly on the other hand had to explain my movement through a library or a department store: "Yes, Ma, I am on the second floor now...yesshhh."

  • I started working around that age of thirteen as a waitress my father had left and my mother and I needed income coming into the household...Yes I am 16 I would lie...yes...of course I worked in a restaurant before!

  • All a lie, but the restaurant or pub owners woudl believe me after all how someone so sweet could lie. Lying got me a job as a waitress and pretty much manager of a pub next to the local University. I worked for a pub called Noveccento for almost three years. My shift started at eleven o'clock at night and it ended at six a.m. 


  • My job consisted of a mixture of half bartender...half manager...mostly psychotherapist for all the frequent customers. In the morning the University students mostly medical students (I was so jealous) they will tell me all about the new classes...the books..how they study all these subjects that I thought for lack of income will never be able to study. I had a few friends but once they found out my age..13 versus 21..well they treated me differently.

  •  

  • At night it was a completely different story. Lesbians, Gays, bar owners, hairdresses, adult entertainers, and other night owls will come to the pub..enjoy a beer or a whiskey,...their own cocaine..NO I NEVER TRIED ANY!!! and leave a huge tips (my best customers) and other lets say more serious escapades on the pub's bathroom which I refused to clean since it was not sanitary or safe. Yes at 13 I learned a lot about human relationships, sex, bargaining, and how when you got a vice there is always the pay off, I learned everything and saw pretty much everything that human beings could do to each other; all except love. 
Love for me was to offer a cup of coffee to one of our clients he was 15 and homeless, every morning I will prepare breakfast for him before my boss showed up. Love for me was when Starky the filthy dog down the street will come up and sit in our door hours and hours waiting for his owner who passed away last year.




I have always felt animals care and love more deeply than humans; there is no malice and bad intent in their actions only love. No, I was not stupid I was kind. Sometimes there are people such as myself that are the polyannas of the world. We know violence and ugliness in the human soul, but we choose not to acknowlege it. Most of our peers and family think...she is so naive...she is falling again...she never learns...how can she not see it? And finally the last meltdown..SHE IS WEAK! Yes they think and they dont say...but i see it and feel it..Did you know that if you think something bad or demeaning about someone else...you are actually projecting it into existence? People think is only words..but 87% of our language is body language. 

I SEE IT. I FEEL IT. I LIVE IT. AND I CHOOSE TO IGNORE IT. In my mind, if we give reality to thoughs they become actions...actions become expectations and habits...and therefore...a twisted perspective: our reality. So you see, if you see me falling in love again with someone that I just met a month ago..is not because I did not see the bad parts...is because I saw the bad parts...but I loved what was good in him and recognize him as a beautiful soul. Everyone has something good..everyone has a piece of heaven in them because everyone is a temple made with different pieces. The beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder isnt that an American saying?

The word "Namaste" is a beautiful word, because translated it equivales to "I see you; I see the good in you" Being an empath is not easy, no I am not crazy..not I am a psyquic or a medium...no... I cannot spell psyquic! But I do get flashbacks of things from time to time...in a class full a students is the worse..I can see for some of them how their future careers will be just a bit...just by behaviors...class after class for 18 years...there is always a repeated pattern.






 The class clown..that suffers from self esteem..the pretty girl that everyone tries to emulate..but tries so hard every day to be noticed because she thinks she might dissapear...the football hero..nothing bothers this guy except the pressure of his dad, his peers to be the best all the time. The nerds...my favorites...always trying to appear dumber so they can fit in...the solo kid sitting on the front...that listens word for word and silently goes home and takes care of his dad that got shot at Publix and cannot take care of himself. The genius that appears to be the trouble maker because he is so bored sitting on the back possibly two grades below his IQ he hates me and my class.....you see everyone suffers in silence..but silence is not silent..vibrations are everywhere..so when I meet a person...and they look me straight in the eye...I always think...what are you trying so hard to hide?





Meeting and Dating men tends to go the same..so much hurt and regret some of them stuck on the past or in the future..not enjoying the present. I have been guilty of that myself. I love him and I do love him just becasue a person dissapears the love does not go easy not like that. I know what I felt; it was real; so he dissapeared but my love for him did not. 

NAMASTE S.L. NAMASTE.









No comments:

Post a Comment